...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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