Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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