You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
