When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
