Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
