Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
