Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
