New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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