you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
