Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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