He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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