What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
