my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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