Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
