i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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