We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
