She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
