What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
