He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
