I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
