They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
