okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
