so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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