Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
