Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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