my vag is so smooth its legendary
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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