My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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