i just sent this text using only my big toe
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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