i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
