Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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