The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
