i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize