I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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