yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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