I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
