Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
