im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize