So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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