ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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