What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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