Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
