u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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