Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
