I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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