I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dick very happy bro
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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