I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
