ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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