I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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