i just wanna soil my oats bro
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
