Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
