Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
