so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize