I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
