I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
