508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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