You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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