Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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