i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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