I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
