Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
