there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
