As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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