Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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